BEYOND PAIN
When experiencing extreme pain - literally 'unbearable' pain - the brain 'disconnects'/ switches off in order to prevent further system damages resulting from the overbearing pain. It renders you unconscious. Unconsciousness in this scenario is the brain's 'fuse' tripping.
It's summer 2016. I'm driving from Dublin to Belfast, a journey I do frequently. It's 2 hours on a good day - far longer than I'm able to hold my pee so I have my regular places to stop at the side of the road. Not being brash, uninhibited or thoughtless enough to just go right there on the roadside in full view of passing motorists I always go out of sight - mostly in fields where I've often relieved myself in front of an audience of inquisitive cows .... and boy oh boy can they pee!?
Today though I'm on the way to a family barbecue that has already started. It's the weekend. The sun is splitting the sky and I don't want to waste any time stopping so when the urge to go arrives about 30 minutes north of Dublin I decide to ignore it and keep driving. Over the next 30 or 40 minutes the urge comes and goes, each time the detrusor muscle contractions growing a bit stronger and more painful. (Could this be what labour is like before childbirth!? Different muscles I know, but it sounds so similar) Pressing the tips of my fingers hard in to my groin area helps dull the pain.
I get to the outskirts of Newry, a grim town just north of 'the border'. Only 50 more minutes or so to go, but by now the pain is making me cry out. Nevertheless I still resist my bladder's severe warnings. I'm sweating now from the physical effort of urine containment but I'm determined that I'VE GOT THIS!
Then the coming and going of the muscle contractions stops. They are suddenly replaced by a continual blindingly painful contraction that sends a solid sheet of cramps out around my bladder filling my lower torso and groin. Now I fucking have to stop the car! I can't go on.
I start crying out in agony. My body screams "Scream you useless fucker - SCREEEEAM!" I couldn't stop myself even if my life depended on it. The pain is overcoming my brain so much that I can hardly see the road to look for a place to stop. Delirium has set in. This is much worse than I've ever gone through before. I'm in uncharted territory.
I jerk the car off the road. This time I'll pee anywhere when I get stopped. There's no time for caring. Steering in to the layby there's an open farm gate in to a field right in front of me. The car jumps as the wheels leave the tarmac and hit a deep muddy dip across the threshold in to the field and comes to an abrupt stop.
I pull the door release with great difficulty but the pain is now too great to push it open. I've completely seized up in the seat. Any movement is crippling. In my nightmarish fever pitch I have a ridiculous but frightening thought - that I'm not going to survive this. Seizure .... panic ....
That's the last I remember .... blackout .... coming round some time later lying on the ground outside the car in the sun. My face is pressed painfully in to the hay stubble. I am confused, disorientated and exhausted like I've just had marathon sex whilst running a marathon. I lie where I am for some time just gathering strength. White noise sound of passing traffic on the road beyond.
Peeling myself off the ground takes a lot of effort. I am wet with sweat and I've pissed myself. I am still in a lot of cramping pain but it isn't anything like before. I can move, but can't stand up straight. I'm not in a fit state to drive. I fit myself back in to the car. I shouldn't turn the key but of course I do.
The family barbecue was great ... I think. I have no recollection of it other than that it happened after the above.
At the beginning of this blog when I was just getting going I asked the question - "... is it just me?' Now, recalling and writing about this incident I realise that in this instance it is just me. Of course it bloody is! What other masochistic cretin could there be walking the planet who'd put himself through this torture and STILL not do anything about it!?
MANY MORE POSTS TO COME - PLEASE SUBSCRIBE FOR UPDATES
No comments:
Post a Comment